Thought Stench

"Yeah, ok, so its 9.30 am"
"Surprisingly, I feel less exhausted than last night"
"I want to sleep, it feels better"
"Ok, so yeah, it is 11.30 am, it is a Monday today"
"Thankfully, I have no meetings and nothing screaming to get done"
"Oh maybe I should get up and practise something, remember you are supposed to start new and change your life and all that"
"Now that its 11.30 am, I feel like a loser anyways. Successful people get up like hungry dogs biting to finish. I am a rather sluggish snail. I deserve my coccoon of sloth. I will die a mediocre mongrel"
"Ohh god, what is wrong with you? remember that quote on hope? start small, make a change. It is never over."
"But it kind of feels nice under the comforter"
"Anyways people around me are convinced I am a loser who cannot win the snooze battle. I will just drift and then die one day"
"Ohh, and you know, from last night, I have never gotten what I wanted and when I wanted it. Maybe I am too greedy with life. But then, I am great and I deserve it. It is a simple need, why cannot I have it fulfilled. I dont want a fight for everything. Such idiots have such pampered lives."
"Well, they live simply too. They have simpler needs that can be met. They are not asking for the stars"
"But I am not asking for the stars. I just want a perfect day with no glitches where people are smothering you with love and the boredom of daily existence cannot touch you"
"There you go"
"Why not?"
"You have too many expectations. How can you expect me to live a high-power life with great ambitions and transform into this puny little seeker from life? I seek big things, I live big. How can my expectations be small?"
"I dont know how to solve that "
"I cannot live small and just live"
"Ok"
"Ok"

Hate

" Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire"

-Kurt Tucholsky

The possible

It takes greater genius to think of the 'possible' now sometimes; it takes a higher faculty of the mind to come up with what to do now while reaching for an 'impossible' tomorrow.

That is where the arm-chair genius rots..

Someday

Photo courtesy: Gowtham

Visiting with Einstein

Performance

'Why do you want to be a performing musician?'

My mother asked quite innocously. Suddenly the silence in the room grew thicker. I always knew I liked to perform but I never knew why! Over this weekend, I attended Neyveli Santhanagopalan's concert and lecture demonstration on the elements of Carnatic music. While, I watched the maestro explain the many facets of kalpanaswarams, out of nowhere, the answer came flashing.

Real-time performance draws upon an embodied skill - an intelligence that is gathered consciously through years of training and exposure. Yet, at that moment of creation - it is advaitam. It is working with preparedness and chaos all at the same time. It is a higher experience of being alive. Performing music is about being aware, informed, agile and creative. It is an act of drawing from multiple intelligences within. It calls for efficient decision making that demands a dexterity of strategy from the musician. It is a lot of doing but it is doing with beauty and joy. It is about a mercurial wakefulness. It is ecstasy.

I love it.

Duo

Two years of ghap-shap, koochi- koo, khit-pit and bak-bak!

Safal Hogi Teri Aradhana

There is something about Burman da's voice and the song..

Letting go

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
Joseph Campbell